Easter 2013

I was perhaps too excited about Lincoln's Easter outfit. His bowtie turned out completely adorable (even though it took me way too long due to having a hard time understanding the instructions, but then again, it was eleven o'clock at night) and he wore seersucker pants, for crying out loud! My little Southern gentleman. Also, I convinced Kurt to wear his tan suit and bowtie (and he spontaneously wore his boat shoes--good man) and I wore the prettiest thing I've ever owned (other than my wedding dress)--my chiffon maxi skirt. 

I love Easter, and I love how we Mormons focus more on Easter and the resurrection than Good Friday and the Atonement. I mean, we know the importance of the Atonement--it's mentioned every Sunday in at least one of the meetings--but without the resurrection, there would be little reason for the resurrection. Conversely, the resurrection needed the Atonement, because if we couldn't repent of our sins, I doubt we'd be all that excited about eternity. It's a package deal, and what a perfect plan Heavenly Father gave us and Jesus Chris performed for us. So grateful for the Plan of Salvation and this Gospel.

Okay, time for pictures! (I wish I'd thought to get pictures of just Kurt and Lincoln. Drat!)

March Goals Recap

1. Finish revisions on my novel. I have over 22 chapters comprised of a little over 40 scenes left to tackle. I'll try to do a chapter a day, but some of them are long so might take two. After all, not a whole lot of time for writing. Anyhow, the goal is to be working on new material by April (and hopefully finish it by the end of that month!) Big fat fail. To be honest, I started off with way too in-depth edits. I should've focused on getting those major points in. So, it was pretty slow going. I realize my mistake now. I should be continuing my edits, but I decided something and I want to run it by my writing friend, Julie, who has very little knowledge of this story and thus, with a fresh eye, can give me good feedback. Everyone else, including me, is too close.
2. Sew Lincoln's bowtie and suspenders for Easter. Obviously, kinda have to do this by the 31st, seeing as that's Easter and all, but I'll still count it because it's not like he absolutely must have them. Success! The suspenders were a bit of a bust, but not without trying. 
3. Start couponing and meal planning. This is the month! Kurt's tired of me saying that! Success!

Five Months Old

At 5 months, Lincoln:

-Is big. I've given up weighing him at home because it's become clear my scale is off. Let's just say, when I tell people how old he is, they always say, "Wow, he's big!"

-Broke a new sleep record the night before he turned 5 months and slept 9.5 hours!

-Grabs at everything (as evidenced in the picture above)

-Can sit up fairly well on his own (if I put him in the sitting position)

-Can scoot forward as well as side to side and backwards

-Can hold himself up on his hands and knees

-Loves grabbing my face and chewing on my nose

-Sucks all of his fingers, but mostly his thumb (before he mostly chewed on them, now he sucks too)

-Has started kicking his legs against the mattress as he falls asleep. It's adorable

-LOVES the bath even more. He kicks his legs and waves his arms and soaks us thoroughly

-Interacts with other babies he sees. Mostly by trying to grab their faces

-Now eats oatmeal cereal. I'm going to start him on applesauce this week. He loves eating solid food.

-Has figured out how to jump with both feet at the same time in the Johnny Jump Up and exersaucer

-Still hasn't figured out back-to-front rolling over, but is so very very close!

-Has had his first cold. It wasn't bad, but still was no fun.

-Can hold his smaller bottles independently (the big ones too when they're not full, otherwise they're too heavy)

I love how Lincoln trusts me so implicitly. When he was sick, I had to suction his nose out constantly. He's always been pretty good about tolerating it, but I had to do it so much when he was sick it started hurting and he'd cry and fight me. It was obvious he was pretty mad at me. Still, as soon as I stopped and picked him up, he'd cling to me and allow me to calm him down. I hate when he's sad, but love being able to calm him down.

One night while feeding him, I was feeling overwhelmed (once again) with how much I love this little guy. And if I didn't think too much about it, it could feel like I love him more than Kurt. But it's just because I'm used to loving Kurt--I've been doing it for over six years now. Love is like a pair of jeans (follow me on this, I promise it makes sense). When we buy a new pair of jeans, they can be a bit stiff and we're very aware of how they feel on their body. When we first start loving someone, we are very aware of those feelings and they can be extremely overwhelming. With jeans, as we continue to wear them, they start fitting better, we become used to the way they feel on us, and we stop thinking about it. Same with love. We still love the person as much--usually much--but we've become used to loving them, so it's not so overwhelmingly obvious. It becomes a matter of course. We can still have moments where the sensation of loving that person "flares up" and we feel it keenly and it's overwhelming, but for the most part it becomes a piece of our lives and who we are.

Anyhow, that's just me making jeans a metaphor for love. :)

March Goals

1. Finish revisions on my novel. I have over 22 chapters comprised of a little over 40 scenes left to tackle. I'll try to do a chapter a day, but some of them are long so might take two. After all, not a whole lot of time for writing. Anyhow, the goal is to be working on new material by April (and hopefully finish it by the end of that month!)
2. Sew Lincoln's bowtie and suspenders for Easter. Obviously, kinda have to do this by the 31st, seeing as that's Easter and all, but I'll still count it because it's not like he absolutely must have them.
3. Start couponing and meal planning. This is the month! Kurt's tired of me saying that!

February Goals Recap

First off, I'm kind of proud of myself for continuing to do this. It's been ... four years? Three? Something like that. And it's really helped. Anyhoooo..


1. Finish window valances FAIL. I should stop leaving stuff to the end of the month.
2. Learn to coupon SUCCESS! I didn't get to actually coupon, but I didn't say that, did I?
3. (Something else I can't currently remember. Drat this mommy brain!) Err ... be awesome! I wasn't originally going to count this as a goal, but with getting sick and all that, I will because I've still managed to wash laundry (kinda had to ... ) and clean the kitchen (again, it was necessary ... but still! I did it!). So ... SUCCESS!

A Day without Lincoln

Yep, Kurt and I got away on our own for EIGHT WHOLE HOURS. It was weird. But really good. And I missed the kiddo like crazy.
Last week I babysat over night for a friend, in exchange for her babysitting for us in the future. After the snowstorm this weekend, Kurt and I decided to go snowboarding. We dropped Lincoln off at her house at 8, then enjoyed a perfect day on the slopes. Clear skies, temps in the 20s (perfect snowboarding temperature), not crowded, soft, fresh snow (though no powder to be found, poop), BOGO lift tickets ... it was awesome. I even attempted several jumps and landed two! Huzzah! Kurt's front binding broke on his back foot and he was still way more awesome than me. I guess that's what happens when you've been snowboarding for 20 years.
We picked Lincoln up at 4:30, so it was really 8.5 hours. By far the longest I've spent away from him (by a loooong shot). Then I realized that night that it's less than Kurt spends away every week day. Funny, the different perspectives.
Lincoln did great and was happy and smiley when we picked him up, but the next day he wanted to be held almost the whole day. I guess he missed me. :)

Brain Update

I thought I'd jot down what's going on in the bipolar department here at chez Kristina.
Lincoln has been on formula for almost 7 weeks. The difference is like black and white. While I miss breastfeeding and its many benefits, the benefits of bottle feeding far outweigh those of breastfeeding. Lincoln went from 5 hour stretches at night to 6-8 (most of the time). Kurt can feed Lincoln for me, which has allowed me more sleep and some time out of the house for more than an hour.
But the biggest difference has been the fact that I'm back on my meds. And really, I mean med. Due to our family plans, I told my doctor I only want to be on lamotrigine (which is an upper, basically). During the breastfeeding days, anxiety and depression were my greatest problems. Lamotrigine has effectively squashed the depression (most days). To handle anxiety, I use a doTerra essential oil, specifically Balance. It helps with the racing thoughts as well, which is nice. And lastly, for mood stabilization, I take fish oil (three huge pills a day ... not fun). I don't take anything for psychosis, but honestly I don't need to because I'm always aware that my psychosis is just that. No breaks from reality for me (so far in my life).
This sounds like a hodge podge of treatments--and, certainly, it is--but it's working so far. I feel as good as I remember being on my meds.
My insomnia's pretty bad right now, but I use doTerra's Serenity essential oil. Lavender works too, but I find it leaves me with a hangover in the morning and Serenity doesn't. (By the way, I'm a total essential oils convert.)
Add exercise, an adequate amount of sleep (5-6 hours a night), healthy eating, and a regular bedtime/wake up schedule and I feel like a new woman. Those postpartum days, though there were many sweet and happy moments, feel like the distant dark ages. There's no more endless crying and feelings of hopelessness. Oh sure, I still have yet to go a week without tears and frustration, but it's a more healthy amount. I still have days when I'm depressed, or nights when I'm paralyzed by anxiety, or days of out-of-control hypomania, but those are few and far between.
Thank goodness for modern medicine and alternative treatments. :)

A Visitor

February hasn't been quiet (far from it), but there hasn't been a lot to document via photograph. However, the other day Swift was barking like crazy in the backyard. This is nothing special, as he's a stupid dog, but when I went to tell him to shut up, I saw the reason why he was barking. One of our backyard neighbors had a visitor who decided the roof of their shed was a nice place for an afternoon nap.

Four Months Old

At 4 months, Lincoln:

-Is a very tall boy! 27 inches tall (100th percentile), weighs 16 pounds 4.5 ounces (65th percentile), and head circumference of 17 inches (89th percentile). He had a growth spurt a few days before his appointment that resulted in mostly vertical growth. I anticipate his weight will catch up soon.

-Has graduated to rice cereal and quite likes it.

-Is getting into a fairly predictable daily schedule, with wake-up 6:30-7 and bedtime 7-8 (typically with one wake up between 1:30 and 4), and three naps at predictable times during the day. The naps themselves are a bit unpredictable, as he usually has one 50-120 minute nap during the day, but there's not much of a pattern for when that one will occur. The other two are always 30-45 minutes long. My little cat napper.

-By month 3, he'd discovered his feet (as seen above). Now he's discovered he can put his feet in his mouth!

-Still prefers fabric toys and toys with faces, but has started acknowledging and grabbing other toys we put in his hands

-Can roll front to back (but hasn't done it in a while), but doesn't show a whole lot of interest in either way so far

-Has way more interest in trying to sit up. He's been trying to since he was not-quite 3 months old. I anticipate he'll be an early sitter because he wants it so. dang. bad.

-Can scoot side-to-side

-Recognizes other babies now

-Loves looking in the mirror. He mostly looks at/smiles at me, but he'll look at himself as well (see above)

-Still so giggly and smiley.

-Way hungrier in the afternoons and evenings than the mornings

-Usually gets grumpy when he's tired (unfortunately)

-Almost always puts himself to sleep. Soooo nice.

-Loves playing Patty Cake

-Has an entire head of hair. The new hair is very lite and downy, so it's hard to see unless you're close up. Combine that with his blond eyebrows, I bet he'll be a little towhead like his dad was as a kid (Kurt's hair was blond and straight until he was 21, when it turned brown and wavy)

-Is no longer considered a newborn!! Where is the time going?

There are so many days that the only things I accomplish that don't directly involve Lincoln are showering and eating. Forget cleaning, forget writing, forget a nap. And I'm still so happy. After all, I have the evenings for that stuff. And playing with Lincoln is one of my favorite activities.

If I let myself stop to think about it, I have so much anxiety for his well-being. There is so much potential harm in this world for our sweet little ones and it's all I can do to keep the panicky fear at bay. Thankfully we have the Gospel, which preaches peace, not fear. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be a mother and care for one His children. It's a monumental task we've been given in this life.

Also, I love watching Kurt with Lincoln. People ask how he likes being a dad, and he loves it. He is so sweet with his little boy and is really enjoying every moment. We went to a bicycle convention yesterday and I know it made Kurt excited for Lincoln's first ride in the Burley, on his trainer bike, his first cycling race. I can't wait to watch them because best buds. The seeds have already been planted.

Also, everyone asks who Lincoln looks like. I think he has my eye shape and ears. While I wouldn't say, "He has Kurt's lips/chin/etc," from cheekbones down, I see Kurt. At any rate, he's his own (adorable) little person.

Family Pictures

The day before Lincoln's blessing, we got our family pictures done by my fabulous cousin Michelle. (Denver peeps, she's totally available for sessions.) All the families got pictures--a huge group one of the Coopers, Kurt and me, Ryan and Mandi and Co., Skylar and Caroline, and even Kurt's family got in on it! (Pictures of the Cooper clan forthcoming since we're still waiting on my mom to pick them out.)
The last time Kurt and I took nice pictures was in 2009, so these were a bit overdue. (Those were also done by Michelle!)

Indulge Me While I Write about Love on Valentine's Day

One of my Visiting Teachers asked me recently what my favorite thing about being a parent is.
I thought for a moment, then answered, "It really is a fullness of joy."
The Gospel teaches us that families are eternal and that having children is a commandment from the Lord. It also promises us that doing so will bring us a fullness of joy.
The happiest day of my life was and always will be the day I was sealed to Kurt for time and all eternity. When I married him, and up until Lincoln was born, I never felt like our love was lacking anything. It didn't feel flat or less in any way. Looking back, I still don't think it was.
And yet, when Lincoln entered our lives (the second happiest day of my life), our love was magnified a hundred times. It truly became full. Complete.
In December, while at Costco, an older man came up to Kurt (who was holding Lincoln while I bought us some hot dogs) to ask about Lincoln. I walked up as Kurt was telling the man about Lincoln--his name, age, etc. He proceeded to tell us what a beautiful family we are, and what a wonderful thing we have. But what he said that stuck out to me the most was how wonderful this little baby is that came about because of our love.
I was thinking about that man the other day and what he said, and it struck me how perfectly the Lord created marriage. The ultimate expression of love between a husband and wife is also what creates children, who bring a fullness of joy to the couple. It is a beautiful, complete circle. The Lord truly loves us and has our happiness in mind--and always has.
The love I have for Lincoln is different in many ways from that which I have for Kurt. In many ways it's instinctive. I am wired to love and care for this child, put his safety and well-being ahead of my own. I didn't have to get to know him before loving him. While I would sacrifice my life for Kurt's as well, that love wasn't so biological. I had to know Kurt before I could love him. (Though I definitely thought he was cute the first time I saw him. ^_^) My love for Lincoln isn't purely biological of course, as I've grown to love him more and more every day.
Love is a powerful force. There are only three people I love more than Lincoln. Kurt is one, and there are only two people I love more than him. My Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. This is such a perfect, divine plan, and the family is at the very core of it. I am eternally grateful for families and that they are eternal.
In closing, a quote I saw on Pinterest (of course ;):

A baby will make love stronger,
days shorter,
nights longer,
bankroll smaller,
home happier,
clothes shabbier,
the past forgotten
and the future worth living for.
-Author Unknown

February Goals

1. Finish window valances
2. Learn to coupon
3. (Something else I can't currently remember. Drat this mommy brain!) Err ... be awesome!

Maybe I'll stick with three goals every month. After all, it's a good number.

January Goals Recap

1. Hang up shelf and finish word art in Lincoln's room. SUCCESS!
2. Sew Lincoln's baby boots. FAIL! I'm going to do them today.
3. Finish all Lincoln's thank you cards. Cuz, you know, he's only 3 months on Saturday. SUCCESS!

Woohoo! Two out of three ain't bad. My downfall with number was leaving it to this week. I would've been able to do it, but Lincoln had a rough week and wanted to be held pretty much all the time. But I got to read a lot so still a good week. :)

Three Months Old

At Three Months, Lincoln:

-Weighs 15 pounds 4 ounces

-Is wearing 6 month clothing and has been for weeks now

-Has added L's, M's, and G's to his letter lexicon

-Giggles! And it's my absolute favorite thing in the world

-Loves standing (supported of course), planking in the air in my arms, sitting up, kicking his legs and flapping his arms ... basically anything other than laying down

-Has finally started napping well again

-Sleeps 8 hours a night regularly! Woohoo!

-Wants so badly to sit up, hold his own bottle, and talk. In fact, pictures were kinda difficult this time because he kept trying to sit up straight!

-Looks less and less like a newborn

-Loves his bouncy chair ... like insanely loves it

-Has finally noticed the dogs

-Loves looking at faces and anything with a face (including animals on his feet and stuffed animals)

-Still doesn't love the paci

-But loves sucking on his hands, my hands, my arm, his blankets, his clothes, his toys, ANYTHING but his paci

-Loves walks

-Has discovered the fun of spit bubbles

-Is fully weaned to the bottle and formula. And mom is a much more balanced woman!

-Can sit up fairly well when supported with pillows behind him

-Has the mini push-up almost mastered

-Bats away the bottle when he doesn't want it

-Grabs at our faces and hands

-Is fascinated by his toes

-And technology (especially my phone)

-Is just way more alert and cognizant of his surroundings

This is such a fun age! He's not as cuddly as he used to be, but still quite cuddly. And he's so alert and interactive. I love his giggles and smiles.

Have I mentioned how I much I love being a mom? I was afraid I would resent my lost alone time, or get bored with this little newborn who can't talk or crawl or play with toys much, but it is the funnest thing I've ever done. Motherhood is this crazy blend of nature vs. nurture. There are things that are so biological and instinctive, like my drive to protect him. But so many things that I'm learning and that are helping me grow as a person.

It's pretty much my favorite thing ever.

Cosmo le Cougar

The BYU Alumni Association had a Meet Cosmo event at our church building a few weeks ago. We found out about it right as it started. So we threw on our BYU gear, dressed Lincoln accordingly, and headed over to snap a picture.