May/June Goals

Yeah, I'm not-so-much giving myself 10 days to accomplish goals this month. I wasn't even going to keep doing monthly goals. 1) The first 4 months of my pregnancy killed all energy and/or motivation. 2) Before our trip to SC, I had a hard time thinking about doing anything other than prepping for it. But now I'm back, feeling better than ever, and I'm ready to get stuff done. Because there's a lot we need to do before October 16th.

This month I will:
-Finish my WIP. I know, same song, same verse even. But did you know it's just as hard to write a novel while nauseous as it is to clean the kitchen? True story.
-Write a short story after I finish the novel (the novel should be done in about two weeks, so that gives me plenty of time for a short story)
-Do research for next book. Make tentative outline. (I'm a semi-outliner.) -- This is optional. We'll see how fast I get the short story done.
-Accomplish these house projects: kitchen curtains, guest room curtains, paint and upholster kitchen stools, make trash/recycling can cabinet-thing, make our headboard, rearrange our bedroom.
-Work out 4-6 days a week (don't worry, two days a week will be prenatal yoga and walking--not exactly strenuous exercise)
-Maintain a clean home. Because right now it's clean! And I want it to stay that way. Because maintenance is easier than letting it all go to pot, then trying to clean it all.

April Goals Recap

Oh, these make me laugh. Because I failed on all of them! And I don't even care. :)

-FINALLY FINISH MY WIP. Seriously, Kristina. Man up and get through this mid-novel slump, already!
-Also, finish my two curtain projects (guest room and kitchen).
-And lastly ... give up soda. I know, CRAZY RIGHT? But maybe it's time. I mean, it IS time. For reals, though.

Admittedly, that last one was a joke. A badly-executed, last-minute-attempt at an April Fool's Day joke that, I'm sure, didn't fool any of y'all. Because I'm still drinking the DDP every day. But in much smaller amounts, due to the baby in utero, and all that. :)

So, Yeah, I'm Pregnant

We made the general announcement via Facebook last week, so I can finally write up a blog post. 

I am currently 14 weeks and 2 days along.

Baby Atkins is due October 16th, 2012.

I found out on February 15th. I half-heartedly took a pregnancy test in the morning. When it came back positive, I didn't believe it. The day was kind of crazy and I didn't get home until after 8 pm. I was in a daze all day, but bought another box of tests.

The next morning, my second test gave a positive result. I got in the shower, still a bit shocked, but then I really let myself get excited. It was true! Then I told Kurt, who was still asleep in bed and mumbled, "Yay" or something like that.

I hadn't had many symptoms yet, so I was reluctant to get my hopes up too far. After a year of trying (and that spanned more than a year, with a 4-month break last year), I was so scared of getting excited and then having it not be true. I wanted a doctor to tell me! But I had to wait until 9 weeks to see the doc, and I took the tests at 5 weeks. So I took a third pregnancy test a week later. That came back positive, and those three tests combined with increasing symptoms made me realize that it was really true. We told our families just before 8 weeks. Our plan was to wait until after the 9 week appointment, but I was too excited. They are all super excited, of course. 

How I'm Feeling: Physical Symptoms

At first I was hoping I was lucky enough to have escaped morning sickness. Oh, silly me! The first weekend after finding out, I had to sleep in the guest bedroom because Kurt had strep throat. The week following nausea began to creep its way into my life.

My very first symptoms, before I even knew I was pregnant, were "pregnancy brain" and fatigue. Let me tell you: pregnancy brain is a very real thing! I don't feel as dull 100% of the time like I did at first, but I have definitely noticed my reasoning skills have gone down. It's takes me a bit longer to think things through. Luckily, my writing hasn't been affected. I don't have trouble finding words, structuring sentences, or writing scenes in general. Which is really nice! Because I've been doing a lot of it, especially recently as the morning sickness is waning.

Yes, I've had morning sickness. More like all day sickness. And it's-worst-at-night sickness. I've only thrown up once (aside from a 24 stomach bug, fun times), but I've had plenty of close calls. As time progressed, my food aversions grew and grew, to the point where it peaked at 10 weeks and all I was eating was cereal, popcorn chicken, and turkey sandwiches. Anything with more flavor made me gag instantly. That waned and these days the only aversion I'm feeling is garlic. Oh, the smell of garlic makes me shudder. I think the morning sickness is finally going, as this week I've felt great nausea-wise, but I said that two weeks ago, and things were not so great last week. But I'm hopeful! My most consistent cravings have been cheese, orange juice, strawberries, cheeseburgers, and this week, grits. Carbs in general, most meats, and fruit. I still tend to prefer more bland foods.

The fatigue hasn't bothered me much, but then again, I've been tired every day of my life since high school, so I guess I'm used to it. I haven't worked out consistently since week 6, when the nausea kicked in. But I plan on going to kickboxing this Saturday (I went two weeks ago and it was great. I just modified the moves to be low impact, and took breaks when I felt too warm.)

I'm not showing yet, but by the end of the day I'm usually so bloated I look like I'm 6 months pregnant. 

How I'm Feeling: Mentally/Emotionally

So far, it's going really well, and I'm so grateful that I can say that. At the end of January, I became severely depressed for two weeks, culminating in a breakdown of epic proportions, in which I cried to Kurt that I was afraid of myself. He and a friend gave me a blessing, and that, combined with increasing pregnancy symptoms, has helped so much. 

Around week 8 I had the strange realization that I felt like I was on lithium. When I first go on lithium, my moods are set to a much smaller scale than I'm used to--the kind of range most, non-bipolar, people are used to. I remember feeling like I was numb and emotionally castrated, though I came to realize I was just experiencing a more "normal" range of emotions, not the super lows to crazy highs range I was used to. (Lithium also makes most users drowsy and nauseous at first, so it's a lot like pregnancy.) This is how I felt with the constant fatigue/nausea. My mood felt tamped down. Numb isn't the right word, because it's not a numbness like you experience with depression. More like subdued. My moods have been, overall, very even.

As the nausea has started to recede from my body, I feel more like my old bipolar self in ways. The symptoms I'm experiencing are mostly hypomanic ones--racing thoughts, scattered thoughts that arrest me into inaction (because I can't figure out what I need to do next), some minor panic attacks (and that's even too strong... more like panicky feelings). In the earliest days of pregnancy, I was experiencing quite a lot of out-of-body experiences, but those have subsided, though I still find that olfactory hallucinations and occasionally audible hallucinations are still occurring. Those aren't upsetting to me usually, because it's clear what's going on and I can dismiss any worry from them. So far, it seems my brain likes being pregnant. My therapist, whom I met with today, agrees. Let's hope it stays this way!

Even if my bipolar disorder takes a break during pregnancy, I have to be prepared for the postpartum period. Having a baby in October, the lack of sleep I'll experience/strange sleep schedules I'll keep, and my tendency to swing to depression during the winter are all factors that could point to severe postpartum depression. But right now there's nothing I can do, except be aware. 

It's strange, but pregnancy brain I think is working in my favor. I know things are piling up, like the laundry in the back bedroom/future nursery. But my mind has a hard time listing out all the things I need to do (which I typically do), so I just kinda go from activity to activity, without much thought about all I need to accomplish. And it's SO GOOD. Otherwise, I know I'd be having daily panic attacks. But I'm just kinda going blithely from day to day, focusing on keeping myself fed, and cleaning when I have the energy. I've really been able to excuse myself for picking the day's wardrobe out of a pile (at least they're clean!) and not writing on my writing blog like I used to, and I'm just as happy as can be. This is not the Kristina we're used to, but this is the Kristina my therapist has been trying to make me be for years. It also helps that Kurt has been very patient and understanding. He's a champ. 

I do experience the random urges to cry at the silliest things (Disneyworld commercials??) that many pregnant women do, and I actually, perhaps somewhat arrogantly, think I handle them better than most. Why? Because mood swings are nothing new in my life. (Seriously... one time we were on a road trip and my favorite song "Yellow" came on and I got the urge to cry. Experiences like that are regular in my life, pregnant or not.)

Kurt

Kurt is so excited, but he doesn't show it in the same ways I do (i.e., jumping up and down and clapping my hands while laughing like a giddy little girl). He's been doing research into cars (time to upgrade) and buying me all organic food. And I've never such a patient Kurt before. I mean, he always puts forth a good effort, and is most of the time successful, but he's a saint these days. I don't know how many Friday nights he's made me pancakes while I was sprawled on the couch, groaning in misery. That's how Kurt shows his excitement. 

He's also still cycling a lot, and his 3rd race of the season is tomorrow. I can't wait to get a baby bike trailer to challenge his work outs (and mine!). 

Anyhow, this post was forever long and I seriously doubt anyone read it to the end. But on the off chance you did, next time you see me, tell me and I'll made cookies or something for you. 

April Goals

I haven't posted goals in FOREVER. Well, that make since the year started. Not a single monthly-goals post. Bad Kristina. Bad, bad Kristina. Surprisingly, despite not working full time, life has been pretty crazy. We're finally going to man up and buy a second car, we're going through a re-fi, I'm trying to write, and I'm working two part-time jobs. No one piles too much junk on her plate like Kristina does!
So what are my goals for the month?
-FINALLY FINISH MY WIP. Seriously, Kristina. Man up and get through this mid-novel slump, already!
-Also, finish my two curtain projects (guest room and kitchen).
-And lastly ... give up soda. I know, CRAZY RIGHT? But maybe it's time. I mean, it IS time. For reals, though.
I will be strong!
... I hope

Snow Day

We had a major snowstorm at the beginning of February. Around two feet of snow in 36 hours. It was crazy. Kurt and I both got the day off (Friday), and when the snow stopped falling on Saturday, and the sun came out, and the birds were singing ... it was absolutely beautiful. I love the snow.

And so do the pups!

A Thesis!

My thesis came in a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure how the school would bind it, but they blew any expectations I might've had out of the water! Lovely thick black binding, bound like a real book. And the gold embossing on the side with the title and my last name. Makes me feel that sense of accomplishment all over again.

I still can't believe I'm done with my Masters degree. When I first started, I said there was no way I'd ever get my PhD. Now I'm considering it (as a looooooongterm goal). I'm so grateful to the Lord for giving me this opportunity and helping me through it!

Still Working...

Remember this post? Yeah, I definitely failed on that. I didn't even finish the first project--painting the kitchen. I completely underestimated how much work getting ready for my last residency was going to be. Plus, I was trying to write every day, and then I traveled once a week for 4 weeks straight. So yeah, I got busy and slacked off!

The other night, while waiting the usual one-to-two hours to fall asleep, I ran through my mind all the changes I know that I'm definitely going to do or I'm seriously considering doing in my house. The list is long. Really long. And, being the scatterbrained messy creative person I am, my tendency would be to jump around from room to room. After watching my friend Lindsay's significant progress in her 31 Days of Finishing Rooms series, I realized it would be best to "finish" a room, before moving to the next. Now, I don't mean completely completely finishing the room. But all of the projects I currently have planned for that room. I'm not going to plan on spending every day working on my home, because I just got a new job. It's just part time--20 hours a week--but when I come home, I want to spend at least two hours a day writing (if not more). Plus, I'm trying to keep my house clean, and I have to work out, and spend time with Kurt. So you can see how these projects--while important--are not at the top of my list. But I want to make significant progress before summer comes. 

I've got to be organized about this. So I'm scheduling my rooms:

1) Kitchen

2) Master bedroom

3) Guest bedroom

4) Living room

5) Bathroom

Some notes: Living Room may trump Guest Bedroom, if I feel the urge or need. Bathroom could trump all of those, because I really only want to paint it, and it's a tiny room, so that will take me two days. (One day for first coat, a second day for second coat)

I'll post when I start/finish each room. And when I start a room, I'll layout my planned projects.

KITCHEN

-Finish painting trim (this includes buying kickboards for the lower cabinets and moulding for one of the upper cabinets)

-Make curtains for windows and door

-Repaint white walls

-Build trash/recycling bin
-Paint and upholster round stools
-Buy and possibly paint two comfort mats for the kitchen. My feet kill after a few hours in the kitchen (and I want to start write while standing up=better for my back).

So yeah, it's not like the kitchen has a ton that needs to be done right now. It honestly shouldn't take me very long. I'm thinking it'll be about three or four days to finish the trim (break it up into two halves, two days for each half, unless I get lucky and can paint the second coat on the first half and the first coat on the second half in the same day).

It should also be noted that there are some projects I might do out of order, such as building my trash/recycling bin. The reason for that is I have to wait until a Saturday when all the snow is gone from the backyard and Kurt is around to help me with the table saw. So, that project might have to wait for a few months.

I'm a Master!

Well, I technically don't graduate until May, but I have completed all requirements for my Master's degree. Holy moly. I can't believe it. I have accomplished a life-long goal. It's kinda surreal, I'll be honest. Every time I decide to goof off by watching a movie or reading in the tub, I panic for a moment. "I have homework to do!" I think, before I realize that I don't. I experienced a similar sensation when I finished my undergrad (4 years ago!). I had multiple nightmares, too, about showing up to class and finding out there was an exam that I had either missed, or was that day in class and I was completely unprepared for it. So far, no nightmares about grad school, but it's only been a week. (I DID have a dream last night that my older sister got a publishing contract with a major house and no one could understand why it was so depressing to me! haha)

Anyhow, after being home from Washington for 4 days, destroying my house in a whirlwind of frenzied activity, and barely holding on to my sanity, I flew out at 2 am on Tuesday morning (the 3rd). I enjoyed a nice day with my family in Charleston. Then on Wednesday, my dad and I drove up to Tryon for my final residency. (My dad had meetings in Greenville on Thursday, so that's why he drove me.) It was strange arriving in the middle of the residency, after all of the other students had been for almost a full week. It was also strange not attending workshops, but we were still plenty busy. I stayed with my dear friend Lindsay, as usual, and ate WAY too much food, also as usual. I gave my craft lecture on Thursday morning, then my thesis reading on Saturday night before the closing dinner. Kurt flew in on Friday and got to meet Lindsay and her husband, Chris. Because Kurt and Chris need to be best friends because me and Lindsay are and we need to stay in touch forever! And they got along just nicely (like Lindsay and I thought they would!). Then on Saturday, my parents and Collin drove up and they all got to see my thesis reading! Then the dinner, and I had a hard time not crying (which is miraculous that I succeeded). Then we drove back to Charleston that night (late night!), all slept in on Sunday, and enjoyed the amazing 70 degree weather by walking around downtown. Kurt flew out that night. I stayed until Wednesday, helping my mom out in her library and goofing off with my dad and Collin. I'm excited to go back in May to walk!!

I am so grateful for this opportunity. Not only did I gain my Master's degree (fulfilling a lifetime goal), but my writing improved dramatically. I still can't believe it. And I made life-long friends, including Lindsay. I am so lucky to have made such a wonderful friend! Now I need to convince her to move out to Denver. ;)

(okay, so somehow these are in reverse order... my bad)

 The graduates!

 Talking with my prof, Leslie Pietrzyk

 Done!! 

 Before my reading ... acting goofy, of course

Lindsay and I matched on the first day. (Remember, I got dressed in Charleston that morning and didn't see her till at the Pine Crest Inn, where the residency is held during the winter.)

2012 Goals

I was feeling ambitious on January 1st, as I wrote down my goals. And then Kurt and I had FHE that night and discussed our personal and family goals. A few of these goals are more "soft" goals, meaning if I don't achieve them 100% I won't be that upset. They'll be towards the bottom.
1. Do everything I can in my power to get a literary agent. Which can be broken into the following sub-goals:
     1a. Write the best damn book I can.
     1b. Write the best damn query letter I can.
     1c. Send those out to agents. :)
2. Finish and edit my two works-in-progress and draft a third novel.
3. Read 50 books, with at least 30 being young adult.
4. Practice 2 new hymns a week.
5. Attend the temple once a month.
6. Have a family over for Sunday dinner twice a month (preferably a new family we haven't had over yet).
7. Read the Book of Mormon and New Testament all the way through (read BoM on Sunday School lesson schedule, and of course read scriptures daily).
8. Eat at least 3 servings of veggies a day (throw back from last year).
9. Coupon!
10. Fully build our one-year emergency supply.
11. Write in my personal journal weekly (so, this is the only soft goal ... but I still want to do it at least monthly).

11 Goals! Sounds ambitious, no? Maybe not to you, but it does to me!

Winter Wonderland

We spent Christmas this year with Kurt's family up in eastern Washington/northern Idaho. We flew in to Spokane then headed up to Chewelah for a bit ol' family shindig. Then Kurt and I hopped into Nikkia's car to hang out at his house in Priest Lake, Idaho. We finally got to meet Sunday, Nikkia's girlfriend, who is awesome. Sunday and I spent Christmas morning shooting some of Nikkia's many guns, while the boys made jerky and sausage. The next day we drove down to Coeur d'Alene for errands, then the next two days stayed up at the lake, driving around, hiking around, shooting, and eating. (Of course we had a fry night! We're kinda addicted right now.) In the evenings we watched movies or played games. On the way to the airport on Thursday, we were able to stop by and see my college roommate, Jamie, and her husband Swami and their two girls. I haven't seen them in years! It was a really nice relaxing Christmas trip.

 Nikkia mounted the rack of Kurt's moose (from 2010 BC hunt) for Kurt's Christmas present

Cold and windy shores of Priest Lake--me, Sunday, Nikkia

Wilkins Vacay '11

We spent December 16th through the 20th with our swingin' friends, the Wilcox's, at their home in Utah. It was a Staycation for them and kinda for us, since Provo isn't exactly new territory for us. We had such a great time! The boys did some great adventuring (of course) and Allison, Xandrie, and I got all caught up on Sister Wives drama. Then when the boys came back, we played lots of Dominion and fried things and generally ate too much and had a great time. We love Alexson!
(pictures forthcoming ... need to hunt them down)

House Projects project update

So! I started with painting the kitchen trim. I painted Saturday, Monday, and yesterday. (Sunday I took a break from my House Projects project because that's the day of rest!) I'm taking a break today to give my wrist a break, but also because pretty my entire wardrobe is out and needs to be folded/hung up. I am not kidding here (and big reason for this is because it's time to switch summer clothes for winter). So, today I'm dedicating myself to folding laundry while watching movies. On the queue are Harry Potter 7.2, Howl's Moving Castle, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. I also want to get some writing done (finally done with my back story, time for more forward progress!), blogging, and errands. Obviously, this is a lot of work and I don't plan to complete all of the laundry/movies.
Anyhow! Back to the kitchen. I would say I'm 1/3 done. I've done 2 coats on 1/3 of the beadboard/trim. Yes, over 3 days (I'm guessing 8 hours of work). I'm also taking a break to give my sanity a rest. I don't mind painting--I actually enjoy it--but this much painting, and with trim and beadboard, which you have to be super careful on? Yeah, it's a lot to stomach.
Anyhow. Just thought I'd send out an update, to show that I am working on these projects!!
That is all.

2011 Goals Recap

Let's see how I did this year, hmm?


1. Completely edit my YA fantasy book. So ... I started to, then realized the book was crap and needed a TOTAL overhaul, and now I'm in the process of writing a new book that has ties to the old one. So we'll count this a SUCCESS!
2. Finish my YA fiction book (the one I'm writing for school). I think I planned on finishing this during the summer, but I ended up just focusing on the 130 pages I turned in for my thesis. I will finish the book when I finish the (new) first draft of my ya fantasy. So ... FAIL.
3. Learn how to bake pies and work with pastry dough. Haven't even touched this one: FAIL.
4. Continue to stay healthy. Right now that's on a bit of a hiatus, thanks to my sciatica acting back up. But hopefully I'll be back in the gym doing real work outs (kickboxing, cycling, swimming, weight lifting) in a few weeks. Success! That's one of the habits I'm best about right now.
5. Give up daily sodas ... at some point this year. Fail, but I typically only drink 24 ounces in a day (which is, sadly, an improvement). 
6. Rely on the Lord more. Build a better relationship with my Savior. This was kind of a stupid goal, since it's not really measurable. But I still feel I was successful.
7. Increase my skill in piano playing. Even if it's just by a little. This is a big ol SUCCESS! I don't know if I ever shared how, shortly after posting this, I was called to be the Relief Society pianist. And now I'm playing in sacrament meeting in a week. Kinda funny how the Lord works, eh?
8. Eat at least 2 servings of veggies every day. I used to be good about this, but I can't really eat them raw anymore, and lately I've been too lazy to cook literally anything (other than toast). Enough of that nonsense! Definitely a fail... oh well!


So let's see ... 4 out of 8. Not too shabby!
But I hope I'll be more successful in 2012. :)

To Do List

So, I've acquired quite a few projects around the house that I finally need to complete! Inspired by my lovely friend Lindsay's series, 31 Days of Finishing Rooms, I'm going to try to get through the projects without stopping. So, I'm going to work on something every day... some, like painting the kitchen, will likely take more than a day. But as long as I make some kind of progress towards finishing this list every day, I'll be happy!
The list (in no particular order):
-Paint kitchen trim and beadboard white
-Build and paint trash/recycling cans cabinet
-French door headboard
-Upholster piano bench
-Hem guest room curtains
-Make new covers for decorative bed pillows
-Kitchen curtains
-Paint and upholster round stools in kitchen
-Rearrange bedroom and hang up second window's curtains

I'm starting tonight with cleaning the kitchen trim and taping it all off (which is going to be a big chore in and of itself!).
Also, this is list is going to replace December Goals. Or rather, to put work in on one of these things every day will be my goal.
Once I complete those projects, I have (a lot) more in mind that I can finally get to. I'm really looking forward to finally completing these projects. And, of course, I'll post about the progress.
Wish me luck!

Life!

So, life got a little crazy last month and October. Why? Because this was due on November 22nd:

Yep, that's my Masters Thesis. 130 pages of Audrey's story. All edited and printed out on pretty paper.

So ... I'm almost done! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. TWO YEARS are over! What the? How did that happen? I'm not sure, but I'm grateful.

Also, my brother and his wife had a baby girl and I flew out to St. Louis for a week to help out. And Thanksgiving was fun--spent with friends here in Denver. And my birthday was on Thanksgiving and I turned 27 (how is that possible? I'm pretty sure I'm still, like, 14 years old. I feel that awkward a lot of the time still.) I'm applying for jobs right now, finishing up preparations for my final residency, and writing a book. Also, I have a TON of house projects to catch up on! I'll do a post all about those tomorrow.

Yay! Life is good!